Good question, right? I find myself asking myself that a lot… I have this problem, issue really, with enjoying what feels good at the moment, inevitably waiting and anticipating the bad. (Ashley helps me keep things in perspective when she sees I’m having trouble, so I THANK her for helping me with this). But still with every up there is a down and instead of focusing on the “up” i find myself anticipating that “down” more… Sick really as it may seem, there is reasoning behind this way of thinking.. Its clearly a shield, a guard, a padded wall I have build around myself as protection. Although by no means, is it right, good, or healthy… Like everyone, this gurl is not perfect and has issues she needs to work on. Although in my younger years, these issues were so far beyond what I was mentally prepared to dive into and really probably not even able to realize, I can say I am “awake” at this point and these once distance issues are now at the surface and have caused me to come face to face with them. It’s not easy to realize your faults and then let a lone try to correct them and make a change. I do want to be happy, and I want to enjoy the good while the good is happening now and forget the bad. They do go hand and hand but I realized what a miserable and seriously crazy way to live your life. It’s about being optimistic not pessimistic. The past is what you have to learn from, the present is where you live life to the fullest and the future is out of your control so why stress about the it?

Lesson Learned: Ha, read all of the above.